Project Description

Surreal Vintage Mrs Stretch Speaks Her Mind

The Worst Story Competition was inspired by a friends uncanny ability to tell a terrible story, in such a way that after a reasonable start, with my interest piqued, my hopes and expectations raised to a level of focused intrigue, they are quickly and completely shattered with an incredibly banal finale. This, my friends, is a skill that has been repeated time and again, it was not a one off, more of a technique rather than an accident caused by the reverie one gets while taking in natures visual brass band.

The first experience of this story telling skill was daunting as our friendship was in the development stage and politeness had its finger in my back.  We decided to go for a lovely country walk through fields and meadows, a multitude of animals filled the air with both their sounds and smells as the sun beat down upon us as we gambled through the yellowing grass on a four kilometre round circular trip.

We chatted about mundane daily topics; the unusual weather for this time of year, how lucky we were to have this weather, how the weather has changed over the years, the weather of the past and of course predictions of the weathers to come. We both bantered and gambled our words like salad in a wooden bowl, our mouths the salad spoon and fork, also made of the same wood as the bowl was made from. It was fun, a joy of simple small talk and soft, semi-occasional laughter. Then came the hammer blow. It started well, a story about going to an airport. I felt interested; it was off the usual topic of the weather as mentioned above, and there’s always something exciting about an airport, sort of James Bond like. The story went something like this:

‘I was once late for a plane and had to get someone at my hotel to help me get a taxi to the airport, so I talked to someone at the reception to see if they could help. They were quite unhelpful but eventually they got me a taxi and we drove to the airport. When I got there, 3 representatives of the airline were waiting for me and so I got on the plane.’

That was it.

I didn’t quite know how to respond. It had been delivered with in a tone that suggested something interesting was going to happen; missing the plane and having to stay, at great expense at a hotel and getting another plane the next day, or even just sleeping in the airport and eating 5 bags of crisps, anything really, not just catching the plane and getting home safely. After a few seconds I could no longer hold the build up of mirth in my mouth, and so we fell about laughing, rolling around in the hay and ants that wriggled beneath us, spitting warm mirth at the art of stories.

Consequently the idea for this competition was born in the hope that others may be able to compete with the one above. So, please feel free to send us your entries below and we will enter you into the competition that you have wanted to enter. You may win something odd.

The Rules

  1. The story must be at least 3 words long. Shorter stories can be submitted, however the judging panel will be more critical of their merit. The maximum length is 750 words.
  2. One application per person, you can try to sneak in another go, but this will be frowned upon (especially in the morning)
  3. The competition will be ongoing and will be judged and rated as the stories come in, the competition will end once 250 entries have been received.
  4. Judging will be calculated by the amount of shares each story has recieved. The Judging panel will have the final say on the top three entries.
  5. There will be a winner, and there will be a prize for the 3 worst submissions. The prizes will be artwork from Surreal Vintage and most probably astonishingly bad as they will be taken from the ‘Worst Art Competition’
  6. There is NO cash prize
  7. There is NO fee for entry
  8. Submissions are invited globally, however residents outside the UK will receive a photograph of the prize and the prize itself will be ceremoniously destroyed live.
  9. There are most probably more rules, but it’s quite early and I cant think of them right now.

Read some stories: